In Part 1 of this 2 Part Series all about what it really means to show up as a long-distance grandparent, I pointed out that those viral moments we see of grandparents and grandchildren hugging at airports or dancing at weddings together, don’t tell us the whole story.
Because behind each of those moments is sacrifice, emotion, and a whole lot of showing up – again and again. I explored why showing up can feel hard from a distance, particularly if you’re navigating complex family dynamics.
If that’s your situation, you’re not alone—and distance can heighten those feelings. If you haven’t read Part 1 yet, make sure you take time to read that one too.
What Showing Up Looks Like from a Distance (and Why It Matters)
Even with all the complexities, you can show up from a distance – and it does make a difference.
Your efforts – whether big or small – help your grandchild feel seen, known, and loved.
So what does showing up look like in real life for long distance grandparents?
From my experience, a bit like this:
- A grandparent who begins every video chat with two silly hats or glasses and asks, “Which one should I wear today?”
- A grandmother who sends a short voice memo on the first Saturday of every month, naming one thing she loves or admires about her teenage granddaughter – and ending each with, “I’m so glad I’m your grandma.”
- A grandpa who plays barbie dolls on a video chat with his granddaughter
- A grandparent duo who traveled 10 hours for a 2-day visit to be at a dance recital or graduation.
- A grandmother who sends a back-to-school package every year, like clockwork.
None of these moments will go viral.
None of them will make headlines.
But you know what?
These are the kinds of moments grandchildren remember.
Because they aren’t flashy – they’re real. And real connection doesn’t require being in the same room.
It’s Not About Perfection. It’s About Presence.
Because ultimately, your grandchild doesn’t need a perfect grandparent.
They need one who is willing to keep trying different things to connect with them.
They’ll remember:
- That you asked questions – and listened
- That you noticed their favorite toy, missing tooth, or love of dinosaurs
- That you made them laugh
- That you kept coming back, even when the screen froze – or they didn’t want to talk that day.
- That you didn’t stop sending letters, even when they were teens and didn’t always respond (by the way: many teens do care, even if they don’t show it now. That letter may one day remind them what they’re made of and why they do indeed belong.)
Your presence is more powerful than your perfection.
Connection happens in small, consistent, and imperfect moments.
Ways to Show Up from a Distance
I often share ways to stay connected on this blog and also on Instagram. But sometimes just seeing an idea again – or seeing one that you were considering using – can be the spark of inspiration you need right now.
So here are a few to get the connection wheels turning:
Through Snail Mail
- Send handwritten notes or postcards sharing your favorite part of a recent visit together.
- A card with a cat sticker because they love cats or signing off every note with a doodled ‘I love you’ or for little ones a hand drawn picture of you together at the park – kids love it.
- Start a monthly tradition: a “question of the month” or a mini “quiz” related to what they’re into.
Through Virtual Connections
– Stay present during video calls—even if all you see is a forehead. Kids absorb love, even in chaos.
– Ask fun, creative questions: “What are the Top 3 things you’d take to space/to an igloo/to a dark cave?”
– Send voice or video messages. “I saw a bluebird and thought of you…” For ideas check out this blog: One Powerful Phrase for Long-Distance Grandparents
During in-person visits
- When you get to visit – go all in. Join school pickups or drop-offs when you can. Attend soccer practices, dance class, or karate – even if it’s just a practice. Say “yes” to the swim meet, even if it’s early and cold. Go to the Lacrosse game, even if you don’t know the rules. The goal isn’t the activity. It’s this: your grandchild looks up from the activity and sees you.
(Side note: unless you’re taking a photo, keep your phone tucked away. You don’t want to miss the moment they did three twirls or scored a goal.)
Bonus Tip: Follow up with a short note:
“That karate kick? So strong!”
“Your dance with the pink scarf? Amazing.”
What you’re really saying is: “I notice the things you care about – and I care about them, because you do.”
And It Matters to the Parents, Too…
When you show up for your grandchild, it often strengthens your relationship with their parents as well – even if they don’t say it out loud.
Most parents notice:
- When their kids light up at the mailbox
- When they laugh at your voice memo
- When they grin and say, “Grandma’s so silly,” after a video call
Perhaps they’ve shared this with you already because they’ve noticed the time and effort you are putting in to truly knowing – and connecting with – your grandchildren (I know this happens because I hear about it from email subscribers and also grandparents who are in my membership program the LDG Society).
But even when they don’t say thank you, it registers.
Over time, your steady presence can soften tension, rebuild trust, and create space for deeper connection—not just with your grandchild, but with their parents, too.
Respecting Rhythms & Generations
Grandparenting today means learning a new way of showing up – and that’s not always easy. Technology makes us more connected in some ways, but also increases invisible pressure.
Parents may sometimes feel like they are always meant to be “available,” but they may be virtually tapped out after a day of Zoom meetings.
And you may not always have the energy to be a children’s entertainer on a video call!
Give them – and yourself – grace.
While you are no longer in the depths of parenting in the same way they are – you are partnering.
That means respecting rhythms and boundaries across generations.
Here are more balanced ways to do that:
- Ask: “Is there a good time this Saturday for a 5 minute quick hello (and then stick to keeping it quick). Or Is there anything I’m doing that you want me to stop doing because it is making it harder to stay connected? Anything I can do to make it easier?
- Offer: “Would it help if I sent pizza this Friday or a large size boxed of granola bars for their lunches this week? What brand do you like?
- Adapt: If live video chat calls aren’t working in this season of their life, suggest exchanging short videos instead.
- Coordinate: Ask if you can record a story for bedtime – even if it’s just once a month.
- Respect: Be okay with shorter chats or postponed visits – it doesn’t mean the connection isn’t strong.
And through it all, I can’t say this enough: give yourself grace. You’re making the effort, and that matters. Some of your ideas will land beautifully, and others might not—but that’s okay. What’s important is that you’re showing up and trying. That alone means more than waiting on the parents to come up with all the ways to stay connected.
When grandparents work with parents – and yet also take the initiative to build and nurture the relationship, it not only eases the pressure for the parents, but sends a powerful message to the grandchild: You matter to me. I want to be part of your life.
Let’s swing back to those viral moments
So, those magical social media moments?
The toddler running into Nana’s arms?
The college kids doing sleepovers at Grandma’s house?
We love them—and we hit “like.”
But what you don’t see in those clips is the steady effort behind them. The time, patience, and emotional investment that made that bond possible.
That’s the real magic.
So to every long-distance grandparent reading this:
Do your best to keep showing up. I’m not suggesting you do it to the demise of your own mental or emotional health – but staying connected with family from a distance can be filled with challenges. It doesn’t mean you should stop trying.
Even when it feels like no one notices what you are trying to do — your presence is felt by your grandchildren.
Nurturing strong relationships that matter from a distance are rarely built by accident. They’re built through care. Through effort.
Through showing up again and again. Bridging emotional distance — because that’s where real connection lives.
In the end, it’s not about going viral.
It’s about being part of the story your grandchild will tell one day:
“They always showed up for me.”
How can I help you as a long-distance grandparent?
If your video calls are falling a little flat or you keep sending cards and never hear anything back, check out The LDG Ideas Club. Each month, I send you simple, research-backed ways to stay close across the miles, whether by video or by mail. Something to send, to say and to play – every single month delivered to your email.
If you need the ideas plus you are beginning to realize that you want to go a little deeper into the intentionality of long distance grandparenting – and could use some extra help and community support to get there, check out The LDG Society (AKA the best little corner of the internet for intentional long distance grandparents).
As always, in your connection corner,
Kerry
