As long-distance grandparents, fostering meaningful relationships with your grandchildren can be challenging and often requires creativity, intentionality and a willingness to think outside of the box. Understanding your grandchild’s unique connection style can help!
In this blog, we’ll explore various connection styles and provide practical tips about how to engage with your grandchildren in ways that resonate with them.
What is your grandchild’s connection style?
Every child has their own way of connecting with the world – and the people around them. By recognizing and adapting to your grandchild’s preferred connection style, you can create engaging and memorable interactions. Drawing on research from attachment theory, play, social and emotional development, creativity in children and communication – as well as my own work with grandparents and grandchildren, I’ve created several different types of connection styles, alongside a few top tips about how to tap into it.
Verbal Communication
Children with this connection style enjoy talking and listening. They express themselves through words, enjoy storytelling, and are likely to engage in conversations with you.
Encourage them to ask questions and share their thoughts on video chats and through the mail you send. Ask about their favorite books, what they think about animals living in the zoo or what makes someone a good friend. Share age-appropriate stories they can relate to right now.
Physical Activity
These kids are active and express themselves through movement. They may enjoy activities like dancing, sports, or play that involves physical engagement. Challenge them to physical games, like seeing who can do the most jumping jacks while shouting out their top 5 fave foods.
Creative Expression
Children who connect through creative expression enjoy arts and crafts, drawing, writing, music, or other creative outlets. They like to share their creations and may communicate through art. There are so many crafts you can do together from a distance. Draw the same animal together and then compare. Send them the lyrics to your favorite song or poem and follow up with a discussion about why you love it. Of course, be sure to ask them about their favorite song or poem too.
Playful Interaction
Most kids connect through some form of play and this one overlaps a lot with the others. But there are kids who predominantly like to play or are really good at imaginative play (like my youngest!). They soak up one on one play time with adults and are more likely to express themselves through playing games together.
Emotional Sharing
These children are more in tune with their emotions and enjoy sharing their feelings. They may seek comfort and understanding through emotional conversations and express their affection through words or gestures.
Be sure to share your own feelings and experiences to build trust and connection. Not necessarily your feelings about being at a distance, but how you feel when you try new things or walk into a room and don’t know anyone, for instance.
There are also kids who are highly sensitive emotionally. I have one of these and he is both quick to anger – and to warm up when he feels listened to and safe emotionally.
Intellectual Engagement
Children with this style enjoy learning and intellectual discussions. They are curious and enjoy exploring new topics, solving puzzles, or engaging in thought-provoking activities. They might love to solve riddles together or discuss deeper topics and current events.
Sensory Experiences
These kids connect through sensory experiences, such as enjoying different textures, sounds, smells, or tastes. They may find comfort in familiar sensory activities and enjoy exploring new sensations. When you are together in person, be sure to discuss different senses and engage them in sensory types of activities. In your storytelling of moments shared, refer to how something tasted and felt tangibly (e.g, that ice cream cone froze my teeth and was so creamy on my tongue!)
Why is it important to consider connection styles?
Most children will fall into more than one of these categories. The key is to notice what lights them up. What moves them from one-word answers to full-on chattiness and engagement? Once you identify these, you can tailor your interactions to match their preferences.
This not only enhances the quality of your interactions and thus relationship, but it also supports their emotional and social development.
Understanding your grandchild’s natural way of connecting helps you foster a sense of closeness despite the physical distance.
Kerry Byrne, PhD
Founder of The Long Distance Grandparent
Top Tip
Being present and noticing these things in the moment is hard – especially if the pressure is on because you have limited time in person or on a particular video chat. Plus you want to just enjoy the moments together, which I fully support!
But after you spend time together, whether in person or virtual, take the time to make a few notes about your grandchild.
- What did they respond well to?
- When did they actually engage? What were you talking about or asking them about?
Reflect on their interactions with you – but also other adults in their lives. When are you seeing genuine conversation that does not feel forced?
Taking 15 minutes post visit or post video chat to reflect can help you connect for months to come. This is an example of what I mean by grandparenting with intention.
Final thoughts
By recognizing and adapting to your grandchild’s preferred ways of connecting, you can create engaging and memorable interactions that foster emotional closeness.
Whether through verbal communication, physical activity, creative expression, playful interaction, emotional sharing, intellectual engagement, or sensory experiences, each effort you make helps strengthen the bond with your grandchild.
If you could use a hand with some ideas to stay connected, check out The LDG Ideas Club – a monthly subscription delivered to your email inbox where I send you fun, research backed ideas every single month.
After helping thousands of grandparents nurture strong bonds from a distance, I can help you to embrace unique connection strategies so you can watch your relationship grow into one filled with love and joy – no matter the distance!
Happy Connecting!
Kerry
