Have you heard of pebbling? It’s a great way to stay connected with long distance grandchildren. Read on to find out more!
What is pebbling?
It’s a concept inspired by penguins—but don’t worry, it doesn’t involve waddling! Penguins like Adelie and Gentoo use small pebbles not just to build their nests, but also to build their relationships. During courtship, a male penguin offers a smooth pebble to a female as a gift. If she accepts, they begin building their nest together, one pebble at a time.
In today’s world, pebbling has evolved into sharing little signs of love or affection that brighten someone’s day. It might be sending a meme, a GIF, or a text that says, “This reminded me of you.” Virtual pebbling is particularly popular amongst teenagers (What is pebbling and why are teens doing it?)
When I first heard the term ‘pebbling’, I was intrigued because it reminded me of my own grandfather who was kind of the king of pebbling.
He was known to cut out something from the paper or a magazine and give it a personal twist and mail it. It was always so fun to receive his mail – even as an adult. And in turn, as I got older, I would send him postcards from wherever I was in the world, carefully choosing ones that included a fact about the city I was visiting because he loved geography.
During one of my last visits to see him, I was in his room and noticed that my postcards lined his mirror in his bedroom.
That moment stayed with me.
I mean, he is the one who taught me through example how to do this as a child, and then I continued the tradition when I was an adult.
Kind of a win-win, non?!
Why Pebbling Matters for Long Distance Grandparents
For grandparents, pebbling can take on both modern and traditional forms—whatever fits your style and your grandchild’s personality or age and access to social media.
Pebbling is about offering small, meaningful gestures that show your grandchild you care. Every thoughtful action—whether it’s a kind word, a funny meme, or a postcard—is like offering a pebble. Each one strengthens your bond and builds something lasting over time.
So really it’s a fancy way of saying thoughtful actions and gestures, but I like new words (any other language lovers out there?!).
It’s also about finding something that is fun and meaningful for you – because if you aren’t having some fun and deriving some level of meaning from connection rituals and actions, you are less likely to keep doing them.
While it’s important to be willing to think outside the box, it’s also important to find something that fits your ‘style’ and feels genuine for you.
Relationships and trust grow through consistent, thoughtful interactions. For grandparents who live far away, pebbling is a way to stay present in your grandchild’s life without overwhelming them. It can help:
– Reinforce your presence: Your grandchild knows they’re always in your thoughts.
– Build trust: Small gestures show you’re paying attention and value their unique interests.
– Encourage connection: Thoughtful, well-timed messages strengthen your bond.
Pebbling in Practice
Pebbling doesn’t have to be complicated. Simple, heartfelt gestures are often the most meaningful.
Here are a few examples:
- Send a funny meme or GIF that matches their humor.
- Share a photo of something from your day and say, “This reminded me of you!”
- Mail a postcard with a photo of somewhere you’ve been together.
- Record a voice message they can save and listen to whenever they want.
- Compliment something specific like a recent achievement or characteristic you’ve noticed about them (see below for examples).
- Share a riddle or joke they can pass on to friends.
- Send an article, recipe, or story you think they’d enjoy.
- Mail a small gift or memento—perhaps a stone with their name painted on it or a bookmark with a note from you on the back
Your Words Matter and They Travel
Dr. Daniel Mansson, a professor specializing in family communication, focuses on something called affectionate communication within the grandparent-grandchild dynamic. He and his colleagues have examined what leads to grandchildren feeling emotionally close to grandparents.
One of his core findings is that adult grandchildren who report hearing these 5 phrases, are also more likely to report higher levels of emotional closeness with a grandparent:
- I love you.
- I miss you.
- You are special to me.
- I enjoy spending time with you.
- I’m proud of you.
Pebbling, in and of itself, can communicate many of these things. For instance, sending them a meme of an animal saying I miss you, is a fun way to reinforce that you are thinking about them. Follow along on my Instagram account because in my stories, I share examples you can forward to your grandchildren.
Pebbling Tips for Long Distance Grandparents
- Be thoughtful. Tailor your pebbles to your grandchild’s interests and personality.
- Be consistent. A pebble once a week for virtual interactions or once a month for snail mail keeps the connection steady.
- Be creative. Mix up your gestures—send a funny meme one week, share a photo the next, followed by something in the mail
- Focus on connection. Pebbling is about giving without expecting anything in return. It’s a way to show love, not create obligations.
- Keep it simple. Small actions often have the biggest impact.
- Be mindful of their life: Consider timing and avoid sending virtual messages while they are in school, for instance.
Pebbling in Action: The Power of Compliments
One of the simplest ways to pebble is by offering compliments and encouragement. These aren’t just words—they’re little gifts that show you notice and appreciate the unique qualities of your grandchild. And they travel as far as they need to go!
Here are 23 thoughtful compliments to inspire you. You can use these in short messages or as inspiration for what to write in letters to your grandchild:
- You have the most amazing imagination.
- I love how kind you are to others.
- You make me smile every time we talk.
- You are so brave when you try new things.
- I’m so proud of how hard you work on things.
- You have the best laugh—it’s contagious!
- I’ve noticed you are a really good friend. Your friends are lucky to have you!.
- You’re so creative when you play and draw.
- You’re a great listener, and that’s such an important skill.
- You have such a great sense of humor—you always make me laugh.
- I love how curious you are about the world.
- You are so thoughtful and caring.
- I’m amazed at how good you are at [specific activity, like building with blocks, drawing, or solving puzzles].
- You have such a big heart.
- I love the way you share your ideas—they’re so interesting.
- You are such a good helper.
- You have a way of making everyone feel happy.
- I’m so impressed by how much you’ve learned this year.
- You have a wonderful way of solving problems.
- You’re always so fun to talk to.
- I love the way you think about things—it’s so unique.
- I love chatting with you and learning about the things you are interested in.
- You make the world a better place just by being you.
Imagine pairing one of these compliments with a quick note, a photo of you together, a drawing of you together, or even a video message. It’s a simple gesture, but it has the power to make your grandchild feel seen and valued.
GRAND Word Hugs
I’ve heard from so many grandparents who are using my GRAND Word Hugs as a touch point each month with their grandchildren and those who use them to ‘leave behind’ after in-person visits (such a great idea!) or as a follow-up after a visit. They were created based on Dr. Mansson’s research and my own desire to help grandparents share GRANDlove (most appropriate for ages 2 to about 10). You can check out GRAND Word Hugs by clicking here – and see how easy it is to make every month special for your grandchild.
You also receive ideas about to write and tips on how to send them in fun and interesting ways. Think of it as pebbling made simple. The idea is super short notes to touch base and match the attention span of kids, sent in a fun and engaging way. If you purchase before Valentine’s Day, you will receive a special Valentine Bonus with an idea to really take up your Valentine message a notch.
The Heart of Pebbling
At its core, pebbling is about sharing meaningful, personal gestures that show you care. It’s a practice rooted in love and intentionality. It’s not about grand actions or big gifts. Instead, it’s the little things—tailored to your grandchild’s unique interests and personality—that make the biggest impact.
Whether it’s through a heartfelt compliment, a quick note, or a shared joke, these small gestures add up to moments shared together over time. So grab your pebbles, whether they’re words, pictures, or tiny surprises, and start building that nest of love and connection. One pebble at a time.
