Why I’m Thinking Through the Idea of a Progress Mindset for Long-Distance Grandparents
Through my work with thousands of long-distance grandparents, I’ve seen the incredible effort grandparents put into staying connected with their grandchildren. Over the years, I’ve explored and applied different concepts, research, and frameworks – not just to better understand long-distance grandparenting, but to offer practical, research-backed strategies for connection.
Recently, I wondered if the idea of a growth mindset could help. Growth mindset is:
the belief that intelligence and abilities can be developed through effort, persistence, and learning from mistakes.
It has been a guiding concept in education and child development for years.
As a mum to two athletic and competitive boys, the idea always resonated with me. I loved the language of “not yet” – you can’t do something yet; you don’t like a certain food yet. The mindset that you can keep trying, failing, and persevering felt right in so many situations.
But as I dug into the research while preparing a printable pack for members of The LDG Ideas Club, I learned that growth mindset might not be the panacea it was once thought to be. Some researchers have pointed out its limitations and inconsistent results.
That led me to rethink:
What kind of mindset actually helps grandparents approach long-distance grandparenting?
And how can I incorporate a growth mindset while also acknowledging its limitations?
Because grandparenting at a distance is not a competition or a goal to be achieved. It’s a relationship, one that requires compassion, patience, and connection.
That’s when I began shaping what I’m now calling a progress mindset.
Growth Mindset vs. Progress Mindset
In my work with thousands of grandparents, I noticed that while the language of a growth mindset is helpful, it doesn’t always feel like enough when we’re talking about relationships.
Growth mindset – the idea that “if I just keep trying, I’ll get there” – can sometimes feel like empty encouragement. For grandparents, it might sound like: “If I keep showing up and putting in effort, my relationship with my grandchild will grow.”
But relationships don’t always work that way.
As humans, we need to see that something real already exists, even if it’s tiny, before we can keep building on it.
That’s where a progress mindset comes in.
Instead of focusing only on potential, it emphasizes what is already happening. It’s about recognizing and celebrating small steps forward – each call, each laugh, each shared moment – as the foundation for deeper connection.
For long-distance grandparents, this shift matters. It changes the story from “Someday my efforts will pay off” to “My efforts are already paying off, step by step.”
That’s not just motivating – it’s grounding, hopeful, and real.
I don’t want to throw out growth mindset entirely though because it’s still useful for approaching connection moments and also for encouraging your grandchildren to try hard things and to keep working towards their own goals.
But as an overarching framework, a progress mindset both incorporates and extends growth mindset to make it practical for long-distance grandparenting.
What is Growth Mindset?
Psychologist Carol Dweck introduced the idea of a growth mindset. The core idea: intelligence and abilities aren’t fixed – they can be developed through effort, persistence, and learning from mistakes.
When you encourage your grandchildren with growth mindset language, you remind them that their effort matters:
“You can get better if you keep trying.”
“Mistakes help you learn.”
This might help kids believe in their ability to keep going, even when things feel tough.
While growth mindset says “put in effort, and you’ll improve,” progress mindset says “notice what’s improving, right now.”
This subtle shift has a powerful motivational effect, especially for children learning new things – or grandparents navigating the unfamiliar territory of long-distance connection.
What Do I Mean by a Progress Mindset for Long-Distance Grandparents?
While growth mindset emphasizes potential, progress mindset celebrates the steps already taken. It’s not just about “you’ll get there someday” – it’s about recognizing that you’re already moving forward. A progress mindset values the small wins, steady movement, and momentum that builds over time.
Here’s the difference in language:
Growth mindset: “You can improve with effort.”
Progress mindset: “You are improving, step by step.”
And this isn’t just feel-good talk. Research backs it up:
Self-efficacy refers to the belief in your ability to succeed in specific situations or accomplish tasks.
Studies show that noticing progress can increase self-efficacy, which in turn boosts motivation and persistence
The Progress Principle highlights that even tiny wins can be the most powerful motivator of all. Celebrating small improvements leads to better engagement, satisfaction, and ongoing effort.
A progress mindset focuses on movement over time – celebrating the small steps and improvements that show momentum.
It’s about seeing what’s moving forward and appreciating it.
Why This Matters for Long-Distance Grandparents
It can be hard when you don’t see your grandchildren often. You miss the little things: the new word they said, the first soccer goal, or the shrieks of delight when they finally figure out how to do something they’ve been trying to do – whether it’s winking or riding a bike!
Leaning into a progress mindset helps you celebrate what is happening, even from afar. Each call, each story, each laugh over video chat – that’s progress in your relationship.
Progress doesn’t have to be dramatic. It’s built in the small, steady moments you create with your grandchildren.
10 Progress Mindset Affirmations for Long-Distance Grandparents
Hold onto these affirmations – or say them out loud – to stay grounded in the progress you’re making:
- Every call, letter, or message I share with my grandchild strengthens our bond.
- Small, consistent efforts add up to lasting memories.
- I am making progress as a grandparent, even if I can’t be there every day.
- My love reaches across any distance.
- Every story I tell or question I ask helps my grandchild know me better.
- Connection grows one step, one moment, one smile at a time.
- I celebrate the progress my grandchild makes – and the progress I make in showing up for them.
- My role as a grandparent isn’t about perfection; it’s about presence.
- Even from far away, I am a steady and loving part of my grandchild’s life.
- Each effort I make is a step forward in building a lifelong connection.
A growth mindset reminds us that kids – and grandparents – can keep improving. A progress mindset adds an essential truth: we are already improving, step by step.
You already have a relationship, even if it’s not the one you envisioned.
When you embrace both, you give yourself and your grandchildren the gift of encouragement, patience, and celebration – no matter the distance.
If you could use help, taking tiny steps to improve your connection to your grandchild, do check out The Long Distance Grandparent Ideas Club. I created it to make sure grandparents always have something to send, to say and to play with grandchildren. Hundreds of grandparents around the world are using these ideas, right now, to nurture strong connections. Check it out and if you have questions, just email me!
Kerry
