What long-distance grandparents quietly worry about and how it inspired a popular Instagram post.
“Your footprints are in your grandchild’s story- even if you’re not in the room.”
I shared this reminder on Instagram recently, and it struck a deep chord with grandparents around the world.
See the original post here (follow me on Instagram while you are there!).
But what I didn’t have room to share on Instagram is this:
That post was born out of one question I hear again and again from grandparents like you.
The Most Common Question I Hear from Long-Distance Grandparents
I ask every new subscriber to my newsletter: What’s your biggest challenge right now as a long-distance grandparent?
After reading thousands of responses, one version of the same question comes up again and again:
How will we ever really know each other with this much distance between us?
It’s a question rooted in deep love – and often surrounded by sadness and grief.
I hear the same sentiments on webinars, social media posts and often through tears on Zoom calls. It’s phrased differently, but the core feeling is, will a relationship even be possible?
It often sounds like this:
- Will they really know who I am?
- I’m afraid they’ll forget me.
- How can I stay connected when I’m missing the day-to-day moments?
- How can I make memories with them when I’m not there?
- How do we build a real relationship when we only see each other a few times a year?
Missing out and Why It Matters
These aren’t small worries. The grief of missing the little things – a lost tooth, a bedtime story – and the big ones – school plays, recitals, sports games and graduations – runs deep.
These are often the threads of moments you remember from your own grandparents or from raising your children or from the idealized versions we see on social media.
But here’s what I’ve come to understand about families who live far away from one another: distance doesn’t have to mean disconnection
Distance isn’t the only thing that’s long
Many grandparents take the question “Will they really know me?” and turn it into a challenge. They roll up their sleeves and get into the doing of long-distance grandparenting.
And when they do, it’s not instant gratification.
Because distance isn’t the only thing that’s long in this kind of grandparenting.
You have to think long-term.
That’s hard, especially as you get older and time feels more precious, more immediate and it’s harder to think long-term.
But:
Relationships grow with effort. With time. With creativity and consistency. Even across oceans and time zones.
These bonds happen because grandparents find a way through the distance. They choose not to fade into the background or resign themselves to not knowing their grandchildren because it can’t be in the way they want it to be.
The Key Is Intentionality
Sending money in a birthday card is a thoughtful gesture – and it’s one way to show you care. But over time, if that’s the only connection, it might be the only thing your grandchild remembers.
What if, instead, you became the grandparent who sent love all year long?
The one whose presence was felt in little ways — through curious questions, silly stories, and surprise notes that say, “I’m thinking of you.”
When you show up like that – consistently, creatively, lovingly – your grandchild knows they are worth the effort.
And they will grow up knowing who you are. Knowing you tried and most importantly, knowing they are deeply loved.
This is exactly why I created The Long Distance Grandparent.
I watched my own children thrive under the love of grandparents who didn’t live nearby, but who found ways to make their presence felt.
As a researcher, I also saw a huge gap in support for long-distance grandparents, from the deep emotional toll to the practical question of “what do I even say to a 5-year-old on FaceTime to engage them?”
(Spoiler alert: with a little prep and imagination, it’s very possible.)
Some of the most rewarding messages I receive from grandparents are the ones like this:
Thank you, Kerry. I always feel better after reading your blogs. They motivate me to keep trying to build stronger bonds of love and connection.
These messages mean everything to me because I want to be there, cheering you on. I want you to have a relationship with your grandchild.
But I also want this for your grandchild.
And for your grandchild’s parents.
As a parent, I see every day how much it matters for my kids to know they are surrounded by more than just their parents’ love.
I don’t want them growing up thinking mum, dad, and their sibling are their entire world.
I want them to have a village. A history.
A deep well of love they can draw from, even decades from now.
So, if you’ve ever asked yourself, “Is it really possible to know my grandchild from afar? For them to know me?
Yes. It is.
Keep going. Because you’re not just “staying in touch.”
You’re shaping who they are becoming with your love, your consistency, your presence, and your voice.
Love from a distance might be quieter.
But it’s never smaller.
If You Could Use Some Inspiration…
Check out The LDG Ideas Club, a monthly membership for long-distance grandparents filled with easy-to-use games, conversation starters, and creative ways to show up in your grandchild’s mailbox – and life!
Meaningful connection doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does have to be intentional.
