Lesson Five: There Is No Silver Bullet – But If There Were, It’s This…
If you scroll back to the last 4 blogs I’ve posted, I’ve shared the top lessons I’ve learned from spending hundreds of hours with long distance grandparents – and witnessed repeatedly over the years in my work with grandparents. The fifth and final lesson is based around how consistent, micro moments of connection add up over time.
I’ve come to think of these as micro moments because I’m fascinated by the research about how these small, meaningful interactions, while fleeting, are powerful for relationships.
What are Micro Moments?
While I plan to explore this concept and its surrounding research further in the future, here’s the essence:
Micro-moments are small, meaningful interactions that create a sense of connection and positivity between people.
These moments can happen during a video chat, through a thoughtful message, or even in the simple act of sending a letter. What makes them impactful is their authenticity and emotional resonance.
Many of these moments, while seemingly insignificant at the time, collectively define and solidify memories of your relationship over the course of years.
Sometimes I turn to research to guide what I share with long distance grandparents.
Other times, I observe something happening in the relationships they nurture and think, “What’s going on here?” and “How can research help us do more of it?”
Micro moments are a perfect example.
The biggest lesson in all of this is that there is no silver bullet for grandparenting from a distance. Trust me – if there were, I’d happily give it away and go out of business!
It’s as simple – and at the same time as challenging – as sustained, loving effort over time. It’s a no brainer at first glance, but the commitment it requires can be a lot.
And yet, this effort results in strong, meaningful relationships.
It might not be the relationship you initially envisioned, but it will be one that matters.
Why Do Micro Moments Matter So Much?
It’s easy to start to feel like the things you’re doing don’t make a difference – the mail you send, the video chats that feel chaotic or rushed or the video messages sent singing happy birthday with a silly hat perched awkwardly on top of your head.
But they do matter.
Micro moments might look like:
– Sending mail once a month, not just for the sake of sending something, but to share pieces of yourself and learn more about your grandchild in return.
– Planning a fun game for a video chat that brings laughter and facilitates conversation.
– Sending a colorful, playful piece of mail to your toddler-aged grandchild that they carry around in their tiny hands for days.
Ultimately, it’s about showing up – again and again. Your consistent presence sends a powerful message to your grandchild:
Even though we’re apart, I’m here for you, no matter the miles.
Over the coming weeks, months and years, your grandchild (or the parents) might not respond in the way you’d hoped. Maybe you don’t get a thank-you text or hear anything back after sending a letter – your persistence matters.
Over time, your grandchild will remember the love and effort you consistently poured into the relationship.
It’s the reason I continue to offer my programs as subscriptions and memberships. I’ve seen how effective they are in keeping grandparents inspired, supported, and connected to their grandchildren over time.
It’s easy to feel deflated and frustrated when the mail you send doesn’t get a response or when video chats feel like chaotic whirlwinds. But having access to ongoing ideas, encouragement, and a supportive community can make all the difference.
These programs are designed to remind you that the effort you’re putting in does matter. They help you stay consistent, creative, and confident in your role as a long-distance grandparent. And that consistency – the showing up, the little moments you create – leads to meaningful and lasting relationships with your grandchildren.
By showing up in these small, intentional ways – over time – you’re doing something more than building a connection—you’re role modeling what it means to have a relationship across miles.
You’re teaching your grandchild that distance doesn’t mean disconnection. It simply means you all must approach things differently.
The Emotional Challenges and Rewards of Long-Distance Grandparenting
One of the unique challenges experienced by long-distance grandparents is the lack of immediate feedback. The instant emotional or relational gratification that local grandparents often enjoy – a hug and thank you right after handing over a prized gift. Or the feelings from a tender moment as a grandchild curls up on your lap – this is not be part of your day-to-day experience.
This means the moments that remind you how much you matter don’t always arrive in real time.
Instead, they show up later, in quieter, unexpected ways.
Maybe your grandchild starts asking to call you more often. Maybe they begin texting you with questions or sharing updates about their day. Maybe they write a story about you for a school assignment or mum/dad overhears them talking about you and something you did in a conversation with their friends (these are all real-life examples by the way!).
These moments of connection are no less meaningful – they’re simply delayed.
They become proof of the foundation you’ve been building all along. This requires patience and trust in the process, but over time, these moments weave into the fabric of your relationship, showing your grandchild that love isn’t dictated by distance.
While being a long-distance grandparent comes with a host of emotional challenges, it can offer unique emotional rewards. When you connect from afar, even in small ways, the bonds you create take on a special meaning – not just for your grandchild but for you as well.
When nana and papa are coming to visit, it can feel like a full-on party for your grandchild!
Some grandparents have reported a deep fulfillment from knowing the effort they are putting in now will ripple into their grandchild’s life in ways they may not immediately see.
It’s in the joy of a parent sharing that your grandchildren were SO excited when your mail arrived or the pride in watching them light up when they see your face pop up on the screen.
This doesn’t take away from the corresponding sadness that you can’t be there for the day-to-day moments – both things can be true at the same time.
Grief about what you are missing – and pride in what you are managing to accomplish.
Because these moments, however fleeting reinforce that your relationship isn’t defined by proximity but by presence and persistence.
The delayed responses – like a surprise thank-you call or a school project they’ve dedicated to you carry a weight that’s uniquely powerful because they represent the love and connection you’ve nurtured from a distance.
A few final thoughts about connecting from a distance and building relationships
What I’m trying to emphasize here is that you’ve worked hard to make it happen. It’s no small feat.
I hope you are all taking a moment to sit in this feeling because it is through your hard work and the amazing love you have for your family that makes this relationship possible.
And the reality is that there are many grandparents who choose not to be so involved.
So if you are one of the ones choosing to be involved and choosing to find ways to stay in touch from a distance and nurture strong bonds with your grandchild, this needs to be celebrated.
If you’re feeling frustrated or unsure, hang in there.
There isn’t one magic thing you can do to make it all feel better or easier.
But if you stay tuned to the suggestions I share, pick the ideas that feel right for you, and stay consistent, I’ve seen firsthand, through hundreds of hours spent working with long-distance grandparents, how these small efforts truly make a lasting impact.
If this blog resonates with you, I encourage you to grab my free resource, 3 Key Ways to Build Stronger Bonds with Your Grandchildren from a Distance. You’ll also be signed up for my weekly emails filled with practical ideas and encouragement for long-distance grandparents.
Find it here:
3 Key Ways to Build Stronger Bonds with Your Grandchildren from a Distance
And if you already have it, do feel free to share your successes with me – I’m here!
As always, in your connection corner,
Kerry
