There are days when I mindlessly scroll social media. And the truth is, as a parent, I can leave Facebook or Instagram feeling either inspired or inadequate.

I don’t know about you but I’m a complete sucker for a succinct, powerful quote that explains how I might be feeling – or could be feeling or acting if I just changed the way I thought about something.

But then there are posts of magnificently looking dressed families, with no Nutella smeared across the kids faces and a bright, clean and cheery background.

In comparison, at a glance, my little family looks like a complete mess!

What does this have to do with grandparenting?

In an age when parents are constantly barraged with messages on social media that they are not enough, not doing enough with their children and reminded often they could be doing more or being more – you have such a unique opportunity to let your grandchildren’s parents know they are indeed enough – and not only that, but that they are doing an amazing job.

The Coles notes version of this blog post:

Tell them. Email them. Text them. Write to them.

But do share the good stuff with them, because the truth is, very few people are pointing out the positive things they are doing as a parent.

Read on to find out why this matters and how you can do it in a way that is genuine and packs a powerful connection punch.

The Parents of Your Grandchildren

The parents are pretty much your most important partner when it comes to staying connected to your grandchildren.

They can also be your most complex partner.

And for some, a really challenging partner. A few parenting compliments isn’t going to suddenly make them more receptive to connection.

But intentionally taking a moment to build parents up, is a beautiful step towards more positive interactions.

As a starting point, try using one of these prompts and write yourself a bit of a list.

I admire how you…..

I’m proud of how you….

I did read something about using the language of I’m impressed with….. instead of I’m proud of… – but use whatever feels most natural to you and what resonates.

To make a list, really think about what is important to the parents and things they are doing that you genuinely think are admirable.

What have you noticed they focus on as parents?

What are they working hard to do as parents?

Are they focused on raising healthy kids? Physically active kids? Are they using an approach like peaceful or gentle parenting? Are they teaching kids about diversity, equality, charity?

You might not always agree or know the specifics about why they are taking a certain approach to their parenting, but there is always a way to find something positive about what a parent is doing.

Just the fact they are plugged in enough to the current evidence we now have about babies, child development, behavior, consent and health and nutrition, etc., is a powerful positive all on its own.

It doesn’t have to be a long list, just start with admiring something!

For instance, I admire….

….how you handled that situation.

…how you encourage curiosity and adventure.

…how active and sporty you are with the kids.

…how you infuse so much laughter into your home.

….the way you are teaching your kids about consent and their bodies.

…your focus on nutrition and health.

The list is truly endless.

Be sure to include the in-law parent. It’s sometimes easier to talk to our own kids about it or to focus on the mom.

Sharing your sentiments with both parents is so key to this approach.

As you all well know, being a parent can feel thankless – this is true when kids are little and can still feel true to this day, even now that they are all grown up. Consider how much you still love to hear something positive about your own parenting, and/or now grandparenting!

Special Note for those with Adult Children Living Abroad or Struggling with an Upcoming Move

Make sure your adult child and partner know you are accepting and supportive of their move and you’re proud of them. That will be music to their ears.

– Helen Ellis, M.A – Author and Fellow Long Distance Grandparent

Helen Ellis, author of Being a Distance Grandparent – and most recently Being a Distance Son or Daugther recently shared this with our membership of long distance grandparents and boy did it resonate for me as someone who lived as an expat in Dubai and then the US for 5 years.

Easier said than done?

Yes.

I realize, this can be HARD.

But you don’t have to say, ‘this feels great emotionally for me’.

Because it doesn’t.

It is important to try and see the move from their perspective though. They might be making a decision you don’t agree with – rest assured they are already filled with uncertainty and discomfort. But if they are making the move, it is for a reason that feels important to them. Sharing your support can go a long, long way.

Bottom line: Grandparenting from a distance is emotionally complex

Lastly, I always point out to grandparents that both of these things can be true at the same time:

You can feel proud of your kids for following their dreams and doing what is best for their little family unit

AND

You can feel heartbroken about the fact that your children and grandchildren live at a distance and you really wish it were different.

One of the first things we do in The Long Distance Grandparent Society is to help grandparents reconcile what they thought grandparenting would be like with what it turned out to be.

It’s hard but many have described how The LDG Society helped them get ‘unstuck’.

And that’s music to MY ears!