I spend a lot of time on my blog and on Instagram sharing inspiration about the words grandparents use when they write letters, send text messages or video chat with their grandchildren.
Why?
Because words have power.
They travel.
They outlast us.
They stick in our minds, sometimes for decades.
And as a long distance grandparent, the words you use are one of the most important tools you have for creating meaningful connections with your grandchildren.
My hope is that you can embrace the role of GEO in your family—the Grand Encouragement Officer.
Because your words don’t just shape your relationship with your grandchildren; they also influence your adult children and their experience of parenting. That’s why I’ve also written about how to bite your tongue with love.
When it comes to the parents, and also as your grandchildren walk through the teenage years, sometimes, not saying something is just as important than what you do say.
But today I’m focusing on what you do say and why I know it matters so much. It’s a mix of research and my own personal experience working with long distance grandparents over the last several years.
The Science Behind Words and Relationships
Long distance grandparents don’t have the same opportunities for spontaneous, in-person moments, so you must create them virtually and through writing letters to your grandchildren. This means being intentional with the words you use.
Ever see a line in a book and feel like it was written just for you? Words have a way of landing right when we need them most.
Affectionate communication—expressing feelings of closeness, care, and fondness—plays a crucial role in nurturing emotionally close and satisfying relationships. Studies have shown that affectionate communication from grandparents is associated with higher feelings of emotional closeness, relational satisfaction, and even a willingness from grandchildren to maintain and care for the relationship into adulthood (e.g., Dr. Mansson and colleagues research points to all of this). And it has a lot to do with the affectionate statements your grandchildren remember hearing from you.
Your words can be a powerful force in building that closeness.
Because as a long distance grandparent, your words are the one thing that can always reach your grandchild, no matter how many miles separate you. They are the bridge that connects you when physical presence isn’t possible.
You can send an audio or video message, a text or snail mail – just to touch base (and create a micro moment in the process). When they receive it, you are sharing a moment – it’s a virtual moment, but for long distance families we know that, over time, these moments add up and matter.
The Words We Remember
Think back to your own grandparents. What do you remember most about them? For many of us, it’s something they said – words of wisdom, encouragement, or even a simple phrase that made us feel loved. Something that repeats in our minds.
For me, it’s this: Life ain’t no dress rehearsal.
My grandmother used to say this, and I really do think it’s why I’ve had this sense of the importance of time and how limited it is – from a young age. She died when I was a teenager – her last words to me were: I wish I was going to be around to see you grow up.
I’ve wished the same thing many, many times over the years.
But in her absence, her words have guided me.
Maybe you’ve had a similar experience. Words that have stuck with you, not even necessarily because of what was said, but who said them.
I want this for your grandchildren too.
As a grandparent, you can be that voice for your grandchildren. What words will they remember from you?
Maybe you have a grandchild who gets nervous before a big event. Imagine they receive a text from you like this: “I’ve seen you handle tough situations before. You’ve got what it takes to get through this…”.
It could be just what they need to hear before walking into that try out, first day at a new school, job interview or big presentation at college.
Or perhaps they’re struggling with something at school or work, and you might reach out and write: “I’m proud of how hard you’re working, no matter the outcome. You’re doing great.”
This reminder that they are loved no matter can be a lifeline in moments of doubt.
These small acknowledgments can stay with us and shape how we see ourselves in the world because these are the kinds of words that stay with us.
You may not be able to give your grandchild a hug right when they need it, but you can be the voice that reassures them, the voice that celebrates their victories, and the voice that stays steady through their challenges. What will your words be?
I want to make it easy for you to have these kinds of affirmations at the tip of your pen – or tongue or finger if you are texting!
It’s why I share so many blogs about what to say – if you are going to spend the money on a card or to post something, make it count.
And if you need ideas, you can find some here on my Instagram account (23 compliments to work into your video chats or letters you write to grandchildren) Be sure to follow me there as I am increasingly sharing tips and inspirations for long distance grandparents on Instagram because there are so many grandparents using it these days.
As always, in your connection corner,
Kerry
P.S. Your words and hugging them with your words is also why I created GRAND Word Hugs. My goal is to make it fun for you to do this – and to have these kinds of things at the top of your mind.
So if you have grandchildren under 10, then check them out – I give you tons of templates to choose from and also a lot of things to say that will matter. You can make them part of your monthly connection routine. And if your grandchildren are older, watch this space because I have something for teens coming soon!
