Thanks to Greg Payne from The Cool Grandpa podcast for sharing his reflections about building meaningful relationships from a distance!
—
I enjoy this role of grandfather, even if I do not live near my kids and grandkids. I never lived near my grandfather growing up, so this long-distance grandparent and grandchild thing is what I know. Sometimes it would be great to live close by to the kiddos, especially when gas is expensive.
But I am okay with not being down the street.
With my podcast, The Cool Grandpa, I have interviewed adult grandchildren and some grandpas who live close to grandchildren – whether they are neighbors or live across town.
I am always asking questions about how did that relationship work?
They often talk about how the grandparents were at more baseball games or school band performances, which sounds great. With so many opportunities for people to relocate, our relationships can become long distance, if even for just a season.
This distance does not mean that because we live away from our grandchildren, we cannot have a deep and meaningful relationship with them—just the opposite. It is important to realize, especially for Cool Grandpas, that we can still impact the lives of our grandchildren. Our grandchildren need us no matter what the distance is between us.
I have had the opportunity to research a grandfather’s role through reading and 60 plus hours of conversations. I have found that grandpas who live next door or live thousands of miles away. Each leave an imprint on their grandchildren. Many adult grandchildren saw their grandfathers as their cheerleaders, mentors, and confidants.
Developing relationships that impact grandchildren into their adult years starts when the grandchildren are young. Being at a distance means that we must use all the tools available to maximize our time with them.
Why is it so essential to develop the relationship early?
Without that strong bond from the early years, the grandchildren will be less likely to turn to us as trusted advisors when they hit those crazy middle school and high school years.
So, how does a Cool Grandpa build these long-distance relationships when the grandchildren are young?
Play with your grandchildren
When you are with the grandchildren, make sure you get down to their eye level. Kids will engage with you differently when you are down at their level than standing above them or sitting up on a chair.
Plus, getting down to their level signals that you are ready to play with them and their toys.
My favorite activity is to rough house with them. Sometimes we as grandparents can underestimate the importance of play. Play is essential in bonding, physical development, and creativity, and I am not just talking about the kids here.
Like what your grandchildren like
Show an interest in what your grandchild enjoys. I understand that sometimes taking an interest in what the grandchildren like can be a tough one. Their taste in music, toys, friends, and activities can change fast. Be ready to change and pivot often.
The payoff is that the younger grandchildren are going to develop a sense of importance because THEY are the expert who is educating grandpa on the newest game, newest cartoon, or newest friend from school.
This joint interest and enjoyment of what they are “into” will build a bond of trust. The bonds of enjoying some of the same things will naturally create conversation starters for the next time you call or video chat with the grandchild.
Have meaningful one-on-one time with your grandchild
When you are present or having a video or phone chat, find the time when it is just you and the grandchild. This one-on-one time may not be easy to find when you visit the family, but it is well worth the effort.
One-on-one time can be as simple as walking to the park, going for ice cream, or even doing a light chore together.
Don’t overthink the activity but take advantage to have a conversation where they are the focus.
Find out who they like at school, what crafts they enjoy, or where the grandchild thinks the ants on the sidewalk live.
Also, grandpas, make sure grandma has some one-on-one time as well. It is just as crucial for grandmas to have one-on-one time with the grandchildren as it is for grandpas.
These activities lay the groundwork for how we communicate with the grandchildren when we are apart. When apart, we can share an age-appropriate article about ants with them in a letter. We can ask them if they have heard about a similar cartoon or song that they told us they liked on a video chat. We can make plans to play in the backyard or the park with grandpa’s new toy car or build a fort when we next see each other. We can do all these activities, but only if we lay the groundwork early.
